Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Changes II. Removed from my list of media and journalism links: Media Research Center (including its CyberAlert) and Accuracy in Media -- U.S. organizations whose noble titles belie the fact that they're shills for Republicans, right-wing demagogues, conservative blowhards, and the religious right. I may not always agree with their liberal counterparts -- Common Dreams, MediaChannel.org, and Fairness & Accuracy in Reporting -- but I find myself a whole lot less offended, if at all, by their left-wing or progressive opinions. (Not that I've been visiting any of the media and journalism sites recently -- part of the whole blinders thing.) A year and a half ago, when I started blogging, I may have been concerned with the appearance of balance and, therefore, with linking to American groups attempting to counter the so-called "liberal" media bias; however, after seeing what's happened south of the border since then, I have no problem with conveying either bias or liberalism with my linkage. Besides, shouldn't I be judged by my words instead of my sporadically used links?

posted by media_dystopia @ 06:43 [ link | top | home ]

Changes I. In order to reduce my dependency on third-party services -- ones which, coincidentally, slow page-loading, whether noticeably or not -- I got rid of my blogrolling.com blogroll, BlogSnob ad, and Site Meter counter. I also figured that it doesn't help my perennial redesign plans any when these services control the structure and availability of my links, as well as force code to be placed on my index page. (Please note, however, that this is in no way a reflection of their quality or my level of satisfaction with them.)

Follow-up: The "whether" and "or not" can be dropped from "whether noticeably or not" -- the blog is loading a lot faster now.

posted by media_dystopia @ 04:31 [ link | top | home ]

Saturday, March 27, 2004

The "director told me to" defense. She may be "perfectly pretty in Palm Beach," but before saying, "back to you, Malibu," the woman with the microphone does not bend her left knee as much as her two clone-like friends -- and Old Navy did it on purpose, dammit! The bastards know that it's a subtle, yet utterly captivating flaw. As a result of their artifice, "Spring Break" falls between hate and shame on the company's ad spectrum, but dead-on mesmerizing. As usual. Sigh.

Follow-up: I'm pretty sure I could muster more indignation if I didn't know from experience that the company sold good clothing at good prices. Damn you, Old Navy! Damn you!

posted by media_dystopia @ 14:20 [ link | top | home ]

I'd like to say a few words here in my own defense. While I was working on the computer, Gowan's "A Criminal Mind" came on the radio. I stopped everything to listen to it -- no, to savor it. I was spellbound by the raw intensity of the music, as well as the power of the lyrics: "Ask one who's known me if I'm really so bad -- I am." Hearing both again after all these years gave me goose bumps. By the end of the song, I had felt enough of a pang of nostalgia for 1985's Strange Animal to want to buy it again (I got rid of the tape a long time ago). Ah, memories...

posted by media_dystopia @ 04:01 [ link | top | home ]

Friday, March 26, 2004

You've got to be kidding me. How come some brands of frozen vegetables contain saturated fat? (Unsaturated, for that matter.) Does this make sense to anyone? Attention companies processing, freezing, and packaging what started out as fat-free produce (you know who you are): I'm willing to pay more for the other guy's, the bag of vegetables which doesn't have any of that shit added. I don't care how minute a quantity it is -- it has no business being in there. Sheesh.

posted by media_dystopia @ 06:37 [ link | top | home ]

Thursday, March 25, 2004

You put what on my walls? If I were to appear on TLC's Trading Spaces, I would refuse to have designer Hilda Santo-Tomas touch anything in my home. Vinyl records, plastic flowers, feathers -- what hasn't she stuck on a wall (other than paint)? What's next? Pig's blood? Squirrel pelts? Human feces? I wouldn't put any of it past her; apparently, she doesn't know the difference between creative and crass. (This from someone who has the design skills of a blind orangoutan.) She stomps haughtily into the room, drops a design bomb -- an apt word given the gaudy damage -- and then dicks off, leaving the homeowners to deal with the mess. I've often scoffed at participants who, knowing what they were getting into, bitch and whine after seeing their free room designs, but even I feel bad for the ones stuck with whatever unsightly tackiness she's dreamed up for that episode.

posted by media_dystopia @ 11:07 [ link | top | home ]

Huh? Why? I think the most ironic, if not oddest, use of the word "Canadian" is as a so-called "derogatory" word for African-Americans by their Caucasian counterparts. Let's face it, an affront of this sort in reference to a country of predominantly European descent is unexpected and even dumbfounding. I can see it being used as a code word or obscure euphemism, but as an insult...not really. First of all, why use a word with unrelated, stereotypical connotations to it? Are whites trying to suggest that blacks are hockey-loving, Tim Hortons-worshipping, "Eh?"-saying, left-leaning -- I could go on -- snow-dwellers? If so, where's the derogation? Secondly, why would they pick one that would lead to confusion when they have to describe, say, a person from Canada? (This brings to mind our own misleading vocabulary: is an Indian a person from India or a member of the First Nations?) Frankly, this usage leaves me scratching my head -- and that's after having it explained to me by an American.

posted by media_dystopia @ 08:33 [ link | top | home ]

You make my red rocket -- um, never mind. Happy birthday to TTC Transit Control babe Mika Midolo, a woman whose gorgeous smile blesses Breakfast Television every morning. And while I'm gushing over the Citytv morning show's personalities, I should mention weather specialist and fashion plate Nalini Sharma, a woman who is truly a vision of loveliness. Not that co-host Liza Fromer and LiveEye host Jennifer Valentyne aren't visually appreciated as well; in fact, I used to have the biggest crush on the latter when I first started seeing her on the Toronto station in the early '90s.

posted by media_dystopia @ 06:44 [ link | top | home ]

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Who says EQ isn't educational? It's amazing the words you learn while playing EverQuest. Granted, I don't always have the utmost respect for the assorted in-game messages and their dubious grammar. Some of the people I play with know that the improper use of plurals, for instance, drives me to distraction. (How are people in non-English-speaking countries supposed to learn the language properly when grammatical inconsistencies are abound?) That being said, the game provides a wealth of interesting words, including many whose basis in reality are in doubt until checked with a dictionary or wordsmith. The spell lists, in particular, are noteworthy for their diction; for instance, haste spells Alacrity and Celerity. When such real-world vocabulary is used accurately in a fantasy world filled with imaginary names and gaming lingo, it not only pleases -- and surprises -- word-conscious players, but turns the spell lists into de facto thesauri. (Eventually, though, you run out of synonyms and related words and have to make something up.)

posted by media_dystopia @ 02:03 [ link | top | home ]

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

You best be giving the ads the respect they deserve. I think the best character in Canadian advertising has got to be the surly, kilt-wearing Alexander Keith's zealot. The Scotsman's ranting and raving about what he sees as crimes against "the pride of Nova Scotia" and those who commit them -- including the spilly talker and, most recently, the label peeler -- make for some hilarious commercials. Although the brainchild of a Toronto ad agency, the campaign is a great image-booster for Nova Scotians and their delightful province. At least, I hope it is. (You'd have to ask them, wouldn't you?)

Follow-up: I'm going to take my own advice and ask my relatives and acquaintances in Nova Scotia what they think of the ads, if anything, to confirm the feeling I had at the time I wrote the post that I was being Ontario-centric -- or just plain full of shit -- in describing the campaign as a "great image-booster." The people I know there happen to constitute a group of drinkers which, I suspect, has single-handedly kept the brewery in business over the years with its liberal and seemingly endless consumption of "Vitamin K." I imagine that they of all people will have something to say about the campaign. For all I know, the entire province hates the ads for any number of reasons, not the least of which being a not-so-relevant stereotypical Scotsman and behind-the-scenes business machinations the rest of us are oblivious to. Perhaps to Nova Scotians, the adage isn't true: there is such thing as bad publicity.

My own perspective is this: given that Alexander Keith's is owned by Labatt -- a company that screams "Toronto!" if ever there was one -- and Labatt, in turn, is owned by Belgium's Interbrew, we're lucky to have had a Canadian province mentioned so prominently in such an effective ad campaign, and even luckier that a Canadian company was hired to create it in the first place. In its stead on our airwaves could have been a series of equally humorous Stella Artois commercials produced by a Brussels-based firm and stereotyping the Flemish or some other group of Belgians that, like Nova Scotians, most of Canada is woefully ignorant about.

Say, is this a bad time to mention that I prefer Stella Artois over Alexander Keith's? Yeah, I thought so. (I think I best be ducking now.)

Follow-up: An informal survey of the (admittedly few) Nova Scotians I know shows that not only do they like the ads, but they think those who don't should get a sense of humor. Interesting.

posted by media_dystopia @ 10:33 [ link | top | home ]

Monday, March 22, 2004

He may be back, but I may not be (at the theater). With the Ontario Media Development Corporation's announcement (164 KB PDF) today of a 11 percent drop in movie and television production in the province, I'd like to reiterate that Canada-dissing-star-turned-Canada-dissing-governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and his Canadian-actor-denigrating sidekick, Robert Duval, are still persona non grata to me. I have not watched any of their movies since the proscription, and hearing today's news only strengthens my resolve. If they're dead set against filming and doing other production work in Canada, then I'm dead set against putting money into their pockets. Yes, I know that the high Canadian dollar and SARS, in Ontario's case, are largely to blame for the loss of business; still, the anti-Hollywood North campaign by these and other California protectionists plays a role, and that's enough for my self-righteousness to kick in. I'd go so far as to say that my movie-going reticence of late is due, in part, to my bitterness towards Schwarzeneggar and his ilk -- people whose economically impacting words and attitudes are less than appreciated.

Follow-up: When the U.S. Congress gets in on the action, decrying the so-called "outsourcing" of productions to Canada, that's when I feel a whole lot less inclined to pay hard-earned money to see a Hollywood movie in the theater.

posted by media_dystopia @ 23:33 [ link | top | home ]

It makes me want to file right now. The only good thing about tax season is the Canada Revenue Agency ad with the woman making her dog wait while she visits the organization's Web site for information. They're both cute, which is my motivation to put my life on hold and stare at the television screen. Oh come on, tell me you don't like it when she smiles, raises her eyebrows, and waves the leash at the patient pooch at the end of the commercial.

posted by media_dystopia @ 11:01 [ link | top | home ]

Sunday, March 21, 2004

In a fix? Is it just me, or has the Fixx gotten more airplay in commercials in the last few years than it ever did on the radio in the '80s? It seems like I keep hearing "One Thing Leads to Another" from 1983's Reach the Beach in television and radio ads. Is the band low on cash? Are they selling the rights to their music and lyrics to stave off living on the street? Whatever the reason, I don't mind this nostalgic fixation (pun intended); although I never bought any of their tapes -- remember them? -- I like the band's sound and the lead singer's voice, and even appreciate cover versions of their music. (Not that my enjoyment of "One Thing Leads to Another" makes up for the lameness of the Hyundai spot currently using a cover of it.)

posted by media_dystopia @ 02:58 [ link | top | home ]

Saturday, March 20, 2004

A poster boy for Canada, he is not. I notice that the ad for CBC's upcoming search for "The Greatest Canadian" includes a still of Jim Carrey, an expatriate currently busting his balls to become an American citizen. It's insulting, even in the context of something as seemingly innocuous as an image montage in a commercial, to think that a fair-weather Canadian like him would be included with the likes of Terry Fox, Barbara Frum, Tommy Douglas, Pierre Elliot Trudeau -- my choice for the title, by the way -- and others who truly helped make Canada great. It's the principle of the thing that bothers me.

Follow-up: Oh, and no separatists. I don't care how great a man René Lévesque was, he and his sovereigntist ilk -- people whose purpose in life, ultimately, is to destroy Canada -- cannot, under any circumstances, be considered great Canadians, much less the greatest ones. (Besides, they don't even consider themselves Canadian.)

Follow-up: Visit the Stephen Lewis Foundation and tell me that this most erudite and well-spoken of Canadians and this year's recipient of the Pearson Peace Medal shouldn't be considered for the title. A poster boy for Canada -- and humanitarianism -- he is. (If only more of us had his intelligence and compassion...)

Follow-up: The average Canadian peacekeeper deserves the title more than Jim Carrey ever will. (A week later and I still won't let this go.)

Follow-up: On April 5, the former prime minister did indeed get my nomination. (Have you submitted one, yet?)

posted by media_dystopia @ 16:26 [ link | top | home ]

Friday, March 19, 2004

An amen with a caveat. I don't often quote Pierre Pettigrew -- in fact, this is the first time -- but I think his words today about denigrating Americans are poignant:

It's not the Canadian way. The Canadian way is to promote our values, to promote our interests. We don't like to be insulted and we're not going to insult anyone. I don't think as good neighbours and as very close friends as we are with the Americans, we need to begin to engage in slurs of character.

I and many other Canadians are less than impressed with Françoise Ducros, Caroline Parrish, and other tactless American-bashers with government salaries who are slow to learn that publicly funded, cross-border slurs make for impolitic politics. However, given what we've had to put up with from their undiplomatic representation and conservative blowhards -- among others -- I think it needs to be made clear that we're going to give as good as we get. (Don't diss us or we'll diss you.) As the minister succinctly pointed out, we don't like to be insulted; we just need to make sure that we don't obsequiously cower when we are.

In other words, we need to balance the need to stay above the fray, and the need to be in the fray.

posted by media_dystopia @ 23:33 [ link | top | home ]

Gulf War II turns one. Ah, I remember that heady day last March. Wars, they grow old so fast, don't they?

posted by media_dystopia @ 07:08 [ link | top | home ]

Thursday, March 18, 2004

Aw, poor babies. Authentic Maple Leafs jersey: $247.44 plus tax. 200-level, center-ice seat at a Senators game: $100 plus tax. Toronto fans whining about a tongue-in-cheek prohibition against their team's paraphernalia at the Corel Centre, which, if violated, costs a donation -- say, a box or two of KD, currently on sale at Loblaws for 79 cents -- to the Ottawa Food Bank: priceless.

posted by media_dystopia @ 23:22 [ link | top | home ]

That voice. That look. That price. One of my favorite actors is Ron Perlman, which makes the upcoming movie Hellboy, in which he plays the title role, very appealing -- even with the annoying-looking CGI. I loved him in La Cité des Enfants Perdus and Alien: Resurrection; however, it's unclear whether these past performances are enough to convince me to pay the price of a cheap CD to go see him in his new comic-book-based role. I seem to be asking that sort of question about a lot of movies these days. I'm not sure whether it's because I'm fickle or frugal, but I've come to the conclusion that most movies are not worth the rental fee, much less the price of admission at the local multiplex. And although I'm using my appreciation of Perlman the actor to rationalize the cost of seeing Hellboy, this particular movie-going experience is far from certain.

posted by media_dystopia @ 11:38 [ link | top | home ]

Start panicking, damn you! U.S. Ambassador Paul Cellucci to the Canadian public: you aren't living in fear of terrorism enough. Short of incessantly suffering panic attacks while living a craven existence in a color-coded police state, what would he have us do? I ask this knowing that, eventually, something somewhere in Ottawa, other than Fortress America -- however much the barricades belie it -- is going to be blown up. Being Canada's capital, and therefore a city filled with our Western society's symbolism, of course it's a target -- if not now, then later. Post 9-11, that's just reality; we are, after all, an ally in the war on terror.

So, being an Ottawa resident, I live in fear, right? Nope. Why not? Because worrying about terrorist attacks is like worrying about getting into a car accident: there's only so much you can do to protect yourself before it's out of your hands and left to fate. (By "fate," I mean the uncontrollable actions of others, be they bad drivers or murderous thugs.) Truth be known, when it comes to terrorism in Ottawa, I'm a lot more concerned about the city's historical landmarks and neo-Gothic architecture -- and irreparable damage thereto -- than my personal safety. And I don't think that I or any other Canadian should apologize for feeling that way; in fact, if Cellucci thinks we're going to fret about him thinking we're not fretting enough, he's sadly mistaken.

Oh, and screw cringing, now I feel like spitting every time I see or hear the ambassador (emphasis on "ass").

Follow-up: If, as I believe, the terrorists win when you curtail civil liberties after an attack, don't they also win if you live in fear before an attack?

Follow-up: Hearing two weeks later that we're number five on al-Qaeda's hit list -- much to the ambassador's glee, I imagine -- merely confirmed what we already knew: Canada is a target. No surprise there; neither is the fact that we're woefully uncoordinated and unprepared. (This is Canada, after all.) Speaking of which, I'm sure the terrorists will appreciate the critical words of the auditor general (National Security in Canada: The 2001 Anti-Terrorism Initiative) and the Senate committee on national security and defence (National Emergencies: Canada's Fragile Front Lines). Obviously, we should be urging the government to be ready for the ensuing disaster; however, I don't think we should be running around like chickens with their heads cut off, no matter how much Cellucci would like us to. Besides, if an attack is inevitable no matter what we do, then why sacrifice our values and way of life in the meantime? Why not be proudly defiant -- and proudly Canadian -- in the face of terror?

Follow-up: Far be it for me to suggest a connection, but a week after news of al-Qaeda's list, barricades are going up around NDHQ and other DND buildings in the capital. A heightened state of alert? More like a heightened state of duh. Anyone familiar with downtown Ottawa knows that some major architectural idiocy was involved with allowing Canada's version of the Pentagon to form a square arch over a busy road. Security-conscious military personnel have been shaking their heads at that one for years. It didn't make sense during the Cold War, and it certainly doesn't make sense post-9-11.

posted by media_dystopia @ 10:32 [ link | top | home ]

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

It's like the band just stopped trying. As a fan of both music and words, nothing makes me shake me head and sigh more than lyrically stupid songs on the radio, especially those that are musically catchy. It's no wonder, then, that The Cars' "Good Times Roll" hurts my neck and leaves me short of breath. Its plodding repetition of the line "let the good times roll" gives new meaning to the adverb "ad nauseam." By the nth refrain -- I lose track every time -- I'm stunned by the overwhelming lameness of the lyrics -- oh, sorry, lyric. I don't usually change the station because no matter how many times I've heard the song before, I like to sadistically subject myself to the seemingly endless reiteration, if anything, to remind myself of all the intelligence and hard work that goes into other -- some, not all -- bands' lyrics.

posted by media_dystopia @ 13:01 [ link | top | home ]

Please, don't make us laugh. Based on an 1835 painting depicting something vaguely similar to hockey -- golf, more like -- being played on a frozen river in Virginia, the U.S. (by way of the National Gallery of Art) is claiming that the Southern state is the possible birthplace of hockey. Have I got this straight? A country where the sport gets lower ratings than arena football is saying that a state easily paralyzed by snow and ice -- yes, the one behind the beach-touting tourism campaign -- may have invented hockey? On behalf of all Canadians, many of whom watched CTV News' report about this last night, spare us. (Anything to piss in our Shreddies, eh?) I think many of my compatriots will agree that a lyric from Kingston's The Tragically Hip is smugly apropos right about now: "Me debunk an American myth? And take my life in my hands?"

posted by media_dystopia @ 06:25 [ link | top | home ]

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Let's make this happen. Now that The Daily Show with Jon Stewart is broadcast across Canada -- previously only on cable, now over the air as well -- I think the prime minister could do himself a world of good by going to New York and appearing on the program. Imagine the boost to Paul Martin's image, both at home and in the U.S., that would result from a sit-down with the wily faux news anchor. You have to admit, our leader has a sense of humor; in fact, he's quite quick-witted and even self-deprecating when he strays from his handlers' script. A probing, yet jovial, interview with Jon Stewart would not only be a boon to the prime minister -- and Canada -- but a ratings coup for the show. As I see it, a guest appearance would be a win-win situation. (Assuming, of course, that there are no shades of Conan O'Brien.)

posted by media_dystopia @ 23:14 [ link | top | home ]

Monday, March 15, 2004

EXN? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Discovery Channel Canada is launching discoverychannel.ca to replace EXN.ca, and I think I speak for many viewers when I say that it's about bloody time. I don't know about you, but it's been bugging me for years. I can't read or hear the domain name without asking myself why the network has been using such a lame one while its American counterpart has been logically and intelligently using discovery.com. Looking at the list of Bell Globemedia Interactive's other Internet properties -- globeinvestor.com; workopolis.com; CTV.ca; globeandmail.com; Sympatico.ca; TSN.ca -- it's clear that EXN.ca is the black sheep of the group: as a secondary domain, it's neither named after a network or other recognizable brand, nor reflective of the nature of the site. ("Gee, I wonder if globeinvestor.com has something to do with investing.") In short, good riddance.

posted by media_dystopia @ 19:58 [ link | top | home ]

Sunday, March 14, 2004

With a gleam in his eye. Does anyone else cringe when Dan Matheson anchors CTV Newsnet? There's a sarcasm-tinged glibness to his reading which drives me up the wall; in fact, I'm hard-pressed to make it through one of his newscasts. Any of CTV's other anchors, no problem -- actually, I like them and appreciate their professionalism -- but Matheson...ugh.

posted by media_dystopia @ 20:20 [ link | top | home ]

Saturday, March 13, 2004

Shiver. Paul Cowan's NFB-produced documentary about the porn industry, Give Me your Soul..., leaves you feeling as unsettled and disturbed as the subject matter itself. I suppose that's the hallmark of a great documentary. (Oh, and thanks to Bravo! for airing it again.)

posted by media_dystopia @ 04:17 [ link | top | home ]

Friday, March 12, 2004

"Finish me off, will you, Bill?" Three words: Puppets Who Kill. Who says Canadian television can't be delightfully perverse?

Follow-up: Speaking of sidesplittingly funny shows, I've also been watching Brent Butt's Corner Gas. Say, that's the fourth half-hour Canadian comedy I've praised so far this year. At this rate, I may never watch an American sitcom again -- not that I've been watching any this season, anyway. Don't worry, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart is exempt from any shift away from our southern neighbor's humor; in fact, it's quite protected from this homegrown -- and pleasantly surprising -- entertainment encroachment.

posted by media_dystopia @ 23:43 [ link | top | home ]

No wonder I can't watch Sex and the City. Whenever I find myself experiencing that rare joie de vivre, I visit Lavalife to take the edge off it. No, that's giving the site "where singles click" too little credit -- it's actually the most depressing place on the Web. Women don't ask too much, do they? And I thought guys were picky self-esteem destroyers. Sheesh.

Of course, U.S. company MemberWorks knew all this about the Toronto-based online dating service when it bought it last week...right?

posted by media_dystopia @ 22:47 [ link | top | home ]

I'm the leader of the pack, dammit! One of my favorite shows on Life Network is Good Dog! Watching every episode several times over has not dulled its educational and entertainment value. Thanks to host Dr. Stanley Coren -- who, despite being a university professor, is a wonderful teacher -- I feel that I have a good handle on the dominance issues at the center of many behavioral problems, as well as the most effective training techniques for dealing with them. Problem is, I don't own a dog and don't see one in my foreseeable future. I definitely want one; I'm just not ready for one. I've gone so far as to narrow down gender, hair length, size, temperament, and even name, but I'm still working on the breed -- although, I'm partial to miniature dachshunds -- and other dog-buying issues, not the least of which being cost. In the meantime, I stare through the glass and ogle the pooches at every pet store I come across.

Follow-up: Sorry, but no breed that perpetually stinks, drools, or lolls its tongue. Also verboten are froufrous, walking mops, and dogs whose eyes are concealed by long hair or -- sigh -- bangs. Did I also mention that I have a problem with being able to see male canine genitalia? (That's right, no doggie dick.)

posted by media_dystopia @ 22:22 [ link | top | home ]

Saskatoon versus Falls Church. You know you're Canadian when you prefer to watch live coverage of the Nokia Brier instead of a new episode of JAG. Personally, I think that sacrificing Catherine Bell for a womanless curling championship is proof positive of my nationality.

Follow-up: Congratulations to Mark Dacey for winning the Brier and for giving me the opportunity to see more of his beautiful wife, Heather Smith-Dacey. (What can I say, it's the little things that count.)

posted by media_dystopia @ 21:02 [ link | top | home ]

Thursday, March 11, 2004

At least the song rocks. A Perfect Circle's video for "The Outsider" featuring the Bikini Bandits is, um...yeah, that's an odd video, even by Maynard's standards. Not quite the abstruse, artistic vision I was hoping for or expecting from the band.

posted by media_dystopia @ 21:59 [ link | top | home ]

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

It has that disheveled oomph. A panic-stricken Peter Gabriel running through the woods to the tune of "Shock the Monkey"; Mark Strickson playing the conflicted Vislor Turlough on Doctor Who -- two examples of the British public school (private boarding school) dark-suit-white-shirt-nondescript-tie look from the early '80s I find so...appealing. Preferably, when it isn't professional-looking: the collar is undone; the tie is loose; the blazer is unbuttoned; the suit could fit better in the arms and legs -- an ensemble that says anything but "business."

Say, does this mean I need a Queer Eye for the Straight Guy intervention?

Follow-up: Keep in mind that I'm no fashion plate; come to think of it, I probably don't know what I'm talking about.

posted by media_dystopia @ 22:37 [ link | top | home ]

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Perspective is everything. I remember a semifinal game 22 years ago where the goaltender came out of the crease and illegally elbowed an offensive player. Not only did he stay in the game, but he stood there with a "So what?" look on his face while his semiconscious opponent was carried off on a stretcher. The reduction in talent contributed to the team's -- my team's -- loss that day and, therefore, its elimination from the playoffs. Even at that young age, I considered it a travesty; not surprisingly, that moment in sports history has been seared into my memory.

Hockey? Oh, sorry, I was talking about soccer -- the 1982 World Cup in Spain. France's Jean Tigana was nailed in the head by the German goalie while the ball was in the air just outside the penalty area. Just a little perspective for those of you waving the anti-hockey banner after last night's Bertuzzi-Moore incident in Vancouver. Please, by all means, keep living under the delusion that this sort of thing doesn't happen in other sports.

posted by media_dystopia @ 23:09 [ link | top | home ]

Larry Roegner is right. We shouldn't be letting American criminals -- and assholes -- like him into our country for any amount, much less $200. While we're at it, we should be making it just as hard for American workers and musicians to come here, photographing and fingerprinting as many Americans at our border as Canadians are at theirs, and being just as rude, condescending, and intolerant towards them at immigration. Larry, next time we extend you some fucking courtesy -- we could have turned you away and ruined your holiday -- shut the hell up, you pissy American whiner. We are so goddamned tired of you and your compatriots' arrogance and hypocrisy towards our country, our sovereignty, and our border. Go bitch at Brazil and give them the finger for doing to you what you do to them instead of whining at us for being nice and handling you with kid gloves. You want the gloves off at the border? Fine by us. We'll repaint the interrogation rooms and top up the fingerprint ink in preparation for your arrival.

Look what you made me say, jerk. Now I have to do some deep-breathing exercises to calm down. Sigh.

Follow-up: A number of Canadians, whether or not of Middle Eastern descent, have been and will continue to be harassed at the U.S. border by Darth Ridge and his boys for asinine reasons -- because they can -- making this a touchy subject for many of us on this side of Fortress America. And by "harassed," I mean interrogations involving threats, intimidation, and accusations, in addition to the aforementioned rudeness, condescension, and intolerance. Imagine the disquieting situation where you, a Canadian citizen mere feet away from Canadian soil, have no rights and are one wrong word away from being banned from the U.S. or detained, possibly indefinitely -- after all, there's no torture-advocating country of birth to deport the average Canadian to -- based on the recommendation of a single officer, someone who is invariably in a bad mood and who has a chip the size of 9-11 on their shoulder. Thinking about it makes me shudder; it's no wonder, then, that I occasionally get riled up about these sorts of border issues.

Follow-up: A month and a half later and the U.S. government is admitting that travelers are shunning the country because of post-9-11 security measures. Gee, I could have told them that; hell, I've been saying it for over a year now. Frankly, these days, I have no desire to give the U.S. any of my tourist dollars because of how I'm made to feel at the border.

posted by media_dystopia @ 11:18 [ link | top | home ]

Kofi Annan addresses Parliament. The UN secretary general in a word: impressive.

Follow-up: Too bad a less-than-impressive hockey hit, among other things, denied his address -- indeed, his entire whirlwind visit -- the much-deserved lead on The National, CTV News, and other flagship newscasts.

posted by media_dystopia @ 10:43 [ link | top | home ]

Emily's mother? What about my ears? I'm all in favor of Mothers Against Drunk Driving and its aims, but that commercial with the screaming baby has got to go. A thirty-second demonstration of an infant's lung and vocal-chord prowess is not a good way of endearing me to one's cause; in fact, rare is the PSA that compels me so overwhelmingly to grab my remote and jab at the buttons -- any buttons -- to make it go away. I don't care how laudable one's objectives, if you're using the airwaves to hit me up for cash or to sway my opinion, you better make sure that you aren't assaulting my senses and/or pissing me off with your advertising. This from someone who, like MADD, is unimpressed with drunk drivers.

Follow-up: While I'm at it, the McCain International Thin Crust Pizza commercial set in the vineyard where the guy decides to break into song -- interrupting everyone's dinner, I might add -- and serenade the old woman next to him. My ears can't take that one either, no matter how mellifluous a language Italian might be. (Realizing, of course, that frozen pizza and drunk driving are on opposite ends of the advertising spectrum.)

posted by media_dystopia @ 05:41 [ link | top | home ]

Monday, March 08, 2004

Representative democracy with an asterisk. On September 9, 2003, Ottawa Centre MP Mac Harb was appointed to the Senate by Paul Martin's predecessor. Yesterday, the prime minister obligatorily -- any later than six months post-vacancy and the law would have had something to say about it -- set a date for the riding's by-election: November 29, 2004. The speculation in the media, however, is that the by-election is moot given the likelihood of an election prior to that. (My own speculation is that Ed Broadbent, a man whose political life sets the standard for integrity, is a shoo-in -- irrespective of the date -- against Martinite Richard Mahoney and the yet-to-be-chosen Conservative Party candidate. And not just because he has the best blog.)

Unfortunately, while the press is busy speculating about Paul Martin's timing, it's ignoring the fact that the riding's 114 thousand residents have been without democratic representation for half a year and will continue to be until the by-election or federal election, whichever is held first. If the pundits are wrong and Paul Martin waits until after November 29 to head to the polls, Ottawa Centre's population will have been without a member of Parliament for close to 15 months. Doesn't that strike anyone as just plain wrong? Constituents are told to contact their MPs when they have questions, comments, complaints -- whatever -- but what are they supposed to do when their riding's seat is vacant? An empty chair is of absolutely no help when you want or need to be heard.

Pardon my political naïveté, but the seat should have been filled soon after Mac Harb became a senator, well before the cost of holding a by-election and federal election so close to one another became an issue. The way I see it, not having anyone in Parliament to represent that number of Canadians -- in the nation's capital, no less -- for even six months is a black eye on Canada's parliamentary democracy.

Follow-up: The Tory candidate for Ottawa Centre is Mike Murphy, and David Chernushenko will be representing the Green Party. (I doubt either has a hope in hell, though.)

Follow-up: June 28 versus November 29: the calling of the federal election means five less months without representation for the riding. Now, the question is, who's going to finally take the vacant seat?

Follow-up: Answer: Ed Broadbent.

posted by media_dystopia @ 23:27 [ link | top | home ]

Drool. Jessica Holmes.

Follow-up: Nancy Pimental and Sophie Lorain need to be included in any comedienne-induced salivation.

posted by media_dystopia @ 07:03 [ link | top | home ]

Sunday, March 07, 2004

Have I got this straight? You get rid of Sheila Copps, but keep Carolyn Parrish? Were you addled by your new logo or something? You people in the Liberal Party just aren't making any sense to me these days. (Never mind the fact that you have enough strife and acrimony involved in your riding nominations to make even the most hotly contested federal election look like a love-in.)

posted by media_dystopia @ 23:26 [ link | top | home ]

Not quite a Scaper, but getting there. I'm a Johnny-come-lately when it comes to Farscape; in fact, I only watched my first complete episode a short while ago. (Canada's SPACE: The Imagination Station is airing reruns.) Although I'm not hooked yet, I can see why people were so upset when the show was cancelled and why they lobbied so hard for its return. Let's face it, quality sci-fi series like that are few and far between these days.

posted by media_dystopia @ 13:34 [ link | top | home ]

More junk than junket. I can't stand watching those staged, press-junket interviews with movie stars and directors. Every one is played up as though done for that one particular journalist or news outlet -- as if the average American actor knows what the "cee-bee-cee" is, much less anything parochial from Canada. (And spare me the suggestion of a Hollywood scoop by the Canadian media -- I know better.) Watching these formulaic, forced-smile sit-downs, all I can think of is how the interviewees are sequestered in a room for hours on end, wedged between a backdrop and a camera, waiting for a long line of journalists outside to have their allotted time with them. The interview itself is acting at its finest: the interviewee pretends they haven't heard the question for the 23rd time that day, and the interviewer pretends they aren't the 23rd person to ask it. The sense of originality is...overwhelming.

posted by media_dystopia @ 11:47 [ link | top | home ]

Moose? What moose? Contrary to GM's stereotypical suggestion -- by way of Chevrolet's current ad for the Malibu -- many or most Canadians have never seen a moose in the wild, let alone dodged one in a vehicle. Personally, I've seen several over the years...at the Toronto Zoo. Majestic creatures, to be sure, right up until you knock the legs out from under them with your front grill and the bulk of their mass does a demonstration of Newtonian physics with your windshield; however, just because we're aware of that possibility, doesn't mean we've even come close to experiencing it. Besides, in terms of challenges faced by the Canadian driving public, moose rank far behind winter and other drivers.

posted by media_dystopia @ 11:13 [ link | top | home ]

Saturday, March 06, 2004

Unwords for lunatics. Yes, it's true, comrades: you, too, can join the team compiling the Newspeak Dictionary. Together with the Anti-Stigma/Discrimination Working Group, Ministry of Truth, you can help abolish obsolete words from the Eleventh Edition, all the while helping the Thought Police to keep the proletariat press in line. Doubleplusgood cash incentives and memory holes will be provided by Big Brother and the Party. Remember, comrades: "It's a beautiful thing, the destruction of words."

Follow-up: The Canadian Press Stylebook (12th Edition) addresses mental disabilities this way: "Be accurate, clear and sensitive when describing a person with a disability, handicap, illness or disease. They are people first; their disability is only one part of their humanity." I think journalists are perfectly capable of vetting their own work -- editing, not policing -- without the government having to ban words.

posted by media_dystopia @ 23:31 [ link | top | home ]

Friday, March 05, 2004

For a black sheep, there's a whole lot of bullshit. Abdurahman Khadr could tell me the sun is coming up tomorrow and I'd be hard-pressed to believe him -- a man with credibility, he is not. Even before this week's admissions that his family indeed has ties to al-Qaeda and that he was a CIA informant, I had him pegged as the most untrustworthy individual in Canada -- a bold statement given that I live in Ottawa, the seat of the federal government. My intense distrust had its genesis with that first news conference in December, soon after his return to Canada, where he became indignant with reporters and refused to answer questions about the very things he's now admitting to. Had I been a journalist there, I would have said, "Um, no, it doesn't work that way, pal. Post 9-11, you do not have the luxury of dodging our questions about your family's chumminess with Osama. Next time you don't want to speak, don't call a press conference."

Follow-up: Later in March, he said his "family deserves one last chance" to return to Canada. I think -- at least, I hope -- this self-described "al-Qaeda family" has passed the point of no return, the fuel of our good graces having long since run out.

Follow-up In early April, his mother and younger brother did indeed get their chance, and now angry Canadians are getting theirs: the Deport the Khadr Family Petition.

posted by media_dystopia @ 23:41 [ link | top | home ]

Pity the "poor" domestic diva. I have never liked Martha Stewart, nor have I ever purchased any of her products, but I would like to thank the formerly happy homemaking queen for disproving the machiavellian Gordon Gekko: "The point is, ladies and gentlemen, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works." Now that she's been found guilty of conspiracy, obstruction of justice, and making false statements to investigators, I wonder if she has any regrets about using insider trading to save $51 thousand...when she was a billionaire. (Next time, take the hit, Martha.) Perhaps more court cases like hers will convince the filthy rich that only so much of their avarice and arrogance will be tolerated by the public and the law in the post-Enron world. As for the poster-girl-for-haughty-greed-turned-convicted-felon herself, no sympathy.

posted by media_dystopia @ 18:38 [ link | top | home ]

Mon Calamari chic. Try as I may, I have yet to get any of my friends who are expecting to consider the titled middle name "Admiral Ackbar" for their babies. Tell me a kid wouldn't be the coolest in class with that bookended by their first and last name. Oh, sure, a couple decades of "It's a trap!" would push even the most psychologically resilient offspring into therapy. But, really, isn't it worth it?

On second thought...

posted by media_dystopia @ 16:53 [ link | top | home ]

Thursday, March 04, 2004

Okay, so I waited two months to mention this. I'm all in favor of Lake Superior State University's annual "List of Words Banished from the Queen's English for Mis-Use, Over-Use and General Uselessness" -- goodness knows I appreciated some of last year's entries -- but when the 2004 List of Banished Words includes "LOL," that's when I draw the line. Obviously, these people have not had their e-mail in-boxes inundated with jokes. How exactly am I supposed to respond to the second-hand comedians in my life without it? "Thank you for your forwarded humor, dear friend. It made me guffaw, and my spirits were raised accordingly." Screw that, a curt "LOL" -- with or without an exclamation mark -- is in order for such an impersonal mailing; it encapsulates one's feelings without the need for elaboration. It's a pithy abbreviation perfect for today's fast-paced, electronic written communication. If anything, LSSU should be critical of those who use it in formal writing or blogging, and leave e-mailers and text messengers alone (spammers excepted).

posted by media_dystopia @ 11:05 [ link | top | home ]

Attention spammers: If you can't use correct grammar and spelling -- "Up to 80 pecnert off on meedication only here." -- don't spam. Unsolicited commercial e-mail should be the purview of those who do not mangle the English language. The Anglo-Saxon tongue's centuries of evolution have produced a wonderfully robust language, one that should not be butchered so casually. (What, couldn't you have reread the subject line before sending the message?) Ironically, it's that linguistic mutilation that I find more egregious than the spamming itself. And just in case anyone thinks I'm picking on someone who doesn't share my mother tongue, the spammer in question used an English moniker -- he's fair game.

posted by media_dystopia @ 10:25 [ link | top | home ]

Monday, March 01, 2004

To gag, perchance not to vomit. I just heated up a "simulated chicken" cutlet; unfortunately -- or maybe fortunately -- I made the mistake of smelling it before taking a bite. The nausea has subsided, but I haven't had the courage to return to the kitchen to dispose of the offending soy product. I knew better when I bought the package of "meatless low fat" cutlets; it's just that I was buoyed by the pleasant-tasting tofu burgers I had last week. My mistake. (Don't worry, I'll learn my lesson...eventually.)

posted by media_dystopia @ 21:46 [ link | top | home ]

First and foremost, she's stunning. Sarah Richardson, host of Room Service on Life Network and HGTV, joins Carrie Olver and Mag Ruffman -- among others -- on the list of warm-and-fuzzy-feeling-inducing television personalities. There's just something about the way she handles fabric swatches.

Follow-up: Did I mention that Sarah Richardson's voice drives me wild?

posted by media_dystopia @ 12:29 [ link | top | home ]

Experiments requiring LEXAN® shields are exciting. Discovery Channel has added yet another must-not-miss series to its lineup: MythBusters. I think it's safe to say that hosts Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman are insane -- in a fun, educational way, of course. (I'm pretty sure the network insists upon method to one's madness.)

Follow-up: The show may be produced by Discovery Channel in the U.S., but I watch it on Discovery Channel Canada. I just thought I'd clarify that.

posted by media_dystopia @ 05:01 [ link | top | home ]